His Relentless Love

Some how the school year is upon us, am I right?!?  The last few weeks I have seen FB flooded with happy, stressed, ecstatic and nervous parents posting pics of their little ones entering an environment that takes them out of their safe little bubbles at home.

I am embracing this season.  I don’t know how I was able to sleep the night before school.  Here I was getting ready to send out into the world 3 little souls that have chipped away at this stubborn soul.  The day before school I was found gathering the remnants left over from all the other well-prepared parents down the isle of the school supplies at Wal-mart.  Personally, I kind of liked the way it turned out, less options means less time having your child agonize over things.  We packed their back-packs that night, unable to fit all the required things on the school supply list and went to bed.  BTW those school supply lists can be a little crazy?  Right?  I was torn at some of the required things, but the things like soap, germx, tissues, lysol wipes, etc…you had better believe that my kid’s were sent with more then the recommendation. 

So far school has been going on for 3 weeks and we finally have a system down.  It requires for both Richard and I to do our parts and I can say as each day passes we become like a well oil machine, rather then the frantic parents standing outside our porch, laying hands over our babies as we had just a few minutes to spare and say a prayer before school started.  That first morning there might  have been a few mumbles from the parents about the difficulty of getting 3 kids moving early in the day, but we quickly got over it. 
 Unlike last year, I wasn’t plagued with the debilitating fear that I had in regards to Ezzy.  Even though we did end up having to readjust all the the end of the school year events and spring gala for ballet thanks to Ezzy’s unexpected hospitalization.  I wasn’t walking with fear hanging over my head.  Was it thanks to the fact that with each battle we get a little stronger? Maybe.  Was it thanks to the fact that God was giving me peace, meeting my need before I was running to him and begging him for it?  Um, yes…

This is my season right now.  I am watching God unfold his relentless love for me, thanks to my amazing Bible study group.  I say relentless because he is pursuing me and meeting me and providing in ways that show me that he knows my needs, my heart and how to reach me, before I find myself needing to go to him, Amen!

It is crazy to have a steadfast faith right now with my “fragile” child and yet I do.  I was informed that so many extra measures, that we didn’t ask for in her 504 plan are being taken and in-acted with a seriousness that leaves people doing it with care and not frustration.  I have parents changing party locations to CF friendly places, sending out request to not bring sick kids, because they want Ezzy to be able to attend.  I have parents texting me when they see their child under the weather, so we can decide if it is worth the risk.  
Today was the icing on the cake.  It was a normal school morning.  Having to ask each child atleast 5x to do something, grumbles about the breakfast menu, discussions on the attire selected by said children, threatening punishments for the obnoxious older brother and a snuggly baby that just wanted momma…

I always hug Ezzy when I drop her off.  Not just because her arms fling wide open and she has the biggest smile on her face, but because my soul needs it.  I need her to go with the affirmation that I will hold her tight, tell her I love her and say “have a great day baby”.  I need to claim joy for us parting, joy for her growing up, joy for her living and thriving outside of my care and joy for the road we are on.

When we hug, I breathe her in.  I squeeze her just enough where she has to exhale all her air and tap me out in a sense.  Why?  Because I need her to know that I want her safe in my arms, but that I trust God enough to hold her close and choose to daily let go let him do his job.

Well back to today, sorry for my tangent.  Today we parted, said goodbye and I watched her run to her line like every morning.  My super competitive child craves to be first in line, will settle for second or third, but won’t be happy about it.  Well, first was taken so she bolted for second before anyone else claimed it.  Right when she was less then 5 ft away the child in front let out a horrendous cough.  All the air around me sucked in tight and I froze.  She froze.  Our minds flooded with thoughts, our feet stayed grounded.  My heart said run, move her away.  My feet stayed.  Then that sweet brave little face turned, looked up the hill and yelled “mom!”  She quickly motioned to me through hand gestures that the child was coughing.  I motioned to move to the end of the line.  Her shoulders sank, she turned, head hanging a little low and found her despised spot in line.  When she looked up she didn’t see her momma with tears on her face thank the Lord, but saw my thumbs up and a big smile to reassure her bravery.  Her head lifted, she nodded and gave me a thumbs up back.   https://instagram.com/p/7nFsspi6vF/

Folks, this morning sucked in less then 1 minute.  But in less then 5 minutes God was already taking care of the unexpected.  He has proven to us that He created her to handle this journey with his help, she will never walk it alone.  But as we learn to let go, loosen the reigns we get a chance to see that he is creating in her a spirit that is strong, courageous, not timid.  Even though she may have cried at every shot she had to get for school, she met it with more strength then most children. 
 I have been met by a few tender hearts that have asked me with a perplexed look on their faces of “how is ezzy?”  “she is in school right?” “how are you?” “we haven’t read anything lately”.  I think that last year my mental state of school might of prepped people for another unstable momma.

Ezzy is in full-time school, away from me all day.  Its strange, its crazy how much peace I have and how the moments are filled with God’s relentless love for me as I continue to trust that He will take care of her.  I will say that with hearing the coughing child and knowing the kids are starting to drop like flies in her class that I am getting nervous.  I am not scared, just nervous, not ready to see a sick Ezzy again after her last bout of sickness.  So I am asking that all of you who love to pray for this special child, that you will amp up your prayers.  Ask that God will keep her from harm, she will continue to advocate for herself and that she will be seen as a gift to all the people who are going above and beyond to care for her at school.  I will leave you with this prescious picture of her brother holding her close as he escorts her safely across the street. Is not the pure joy on her face infections? 

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