Folks, I am a little sad that my next reaction was to immediately correct her and tell her he wasn’t my prince. I never lived in fairytale land, I am quite sure that my mom never worried that I would buy into the unrealistic Prince Charming dream. Black and white, coloring in not out of the lines, yes and no answers, that my friends is MY world.
In just a matter of seconds, my over analyzed mouth could crush the heart of a little 4 yr old’s world view. I remember sitting across from her at the table, taking that breath to speak and then feeling the weight on my chest and an immediate need to close my mouth.
If you have read past blogs, talked to me at a play date or a setting that would allow for us to share our life stories, you most likely have heard about Kyre’s story. You heard about the miracle that came from two scared wounded young parents still grieving the diagnosis of their second baby. Those two individuals laid aside all the dreams of a loud big family and decided to get on with life. Precautions, medicine, you name it, were taken. Somehow, wait, not somehow, I don’t want to belittle the awe of Kyre’s story, God took all the actions we did and threw them away. I can’t help but smile now as I think back to all the emotions that hit me the morning I found out she was growing inside of me.
Kyrene Grace Harney took her first breaths on November 12, 2011. It snowed shortly before we left the hospital with her, the first snowfall of the season. Again, another sign for those broken parents that God was in all the details. He knew we had promised the 2 and 4 yr old their new baby would arrive when it snowed. I remember looking out the windows on the gloomy day, packing up the bags with the whitest little baby I had grew and seeing the BIG flakes fall…
There is something about Kyre that I believe is hidden deep within her. You won’t get to see it or better yet experience it on a regular basis. There is a response her soul gives to the Lord, that will stop you when you experience it. It will bring me to my knees in the moments I am at my wits end with her big messy emotions. It can be uncomfortable, it can be humbling, it can be joyful…when you witness what God created her for, why he was so persistent to bring her into the world it can give you goosebumps.
I will hands down be the first to admit that I know I can be a one tasked brain type of person. When I focus on something, I give it my all, in 100%. It can unfortunately make me not very approachable. I am at the height of this when I am out doing errands with my kids. If I don’t focus on them and the job at hand I will forget something. I have 4 different people, with 4 different needs, questions, and distractions testing my ability to multitask.
One day while running errands with the kids, they threw a curve ball in and asked to go and get drinks from McDonald’s. It was a hot day, we had walked from our house to the grocery store, paid our electricity bill, when to the toy store and the Golden Arches caught their eyes. I detest McDonald’s, everything about them, except their sweet tea 1/2 cut. I said no, heard their mutiny and then backed down. It WAS hot, I WAS thirsty and even though dad’s work was just a 6 minute walk away with free water, I figured we could get a treat. While standing in line, I saw a person who I have known most of my life, joys of living on an island. You can’t go anywhere without knowing someone. Her life had changed, she was walking through some pretty big pain, it was safe to say that grief was her constant companion. As we exchanged pleasantries, I felt a little hand tap my arm and a little voice say “momma…momma”. Many of my mom friends would admit this can make the hairs on our necks stand, when those words are repeated over and over with a tap on the arm while trying to talk to another human being. I felt my blood boil, she wasn’t dying or bleeding, couldn’t she just wait. I looked down, giving her the look “this better be important”. Her little eyes, messy hair from the day spent outside, too many freckles on her checks to count from all the sunshine, all of that yielded my heart. I didn’t know what she wanted, but something made me give her my 100% focus. “Momma, can I hug her?” (gentle whisper). Kyre knew this woman needed some tenderness. I quickly nodded and soon saw my 4 yr old hug the hurting woman with every ounce of strength her little body could give. She hugged the woman like you would expect to see after two people who shared a deep connection were reunited after a long absence. But here is the clincher, she didn’t know this woman at all.
This is the perfect example of the deepest level of Kyrene Grace’s heart.
Even though our Gracie can love in a way that makes adults see how jaded they have become, like any Ying to a Yang, she does have another side to her…
We finished our parent teacher conferences with the older two, happy to hear our kids were being who we knew them to be, as we turned to walk down the stairs to Kyre’s conf I quickly asked my hubby “well are you ready?” We are very aware of the challenging parts of Kyre’s temperament. When we sat down with her teacher, we asked how she was doing. “Fine” was the response, but we knew that was not the whole story. We quickly said “don’t hold back, we can handle it, put it all out there”. Her teacher chuckled and said “well…”
Little Miss Gracie Poo, loves to be first…in EVERYTHING that she does. She runs to the lineup at the door just to secure her desired slot. She watches the teachers like a hawk at recess, as soon as she sees one of them head to the door, in no time, they will find her at the front of the line, even if she was the farthest away. Kyre runs everywhere she goes, she is the reason why her teachers have to use the term “walking feet”. To top it off my little firecracker has no problem expressing her dislike when they switch the order of the line, when the front becomes the caboose. Even though we heard the parts of her that still need work, we were assured that Kyre has been chosen to be the buddy for some of the younger ones in the class or the kids that need a patient play buddy. I will take hearing she is patient anyday and not get hung up on the fact that her competitive streak is more then her little 40 lb body can contain.
When I think about the world that Kyrene is living in, the world that she is growing up in, I am confident in her. I know most parents think their children are just stellar, but guys, I see and hear God tell me in my moments of frustration with her high intensity outbursts, “You need her, I need her, that is why I made her when you were doing everything to not have another baby”. He never fails to press on my heart that she is special, his desire and love for her outweighed the choice two grieving parents made, without ever asking his guidance in their decision. Because of her life, it paved the way for Ya’el and Veil, two more souls this family needed for healing.
Her tears are met by her 2 yr old sister who wraps her in a tight hug, her screams of anguish that make her brother drop everything and come running, just to find out a spider is in the doorway gives a reason to laugh. Her imaginary world she creates, draws black and white Ezzy in and shows us she is a little girl that believes in princes, unicorns, and fairies. Her little made up songs will stop of fussy baby before the cries become frantic.
Kyre’s soul is the echo to a fragile heart. Her discernment I have learned to listen too. If she sees a hurting soul, she knows she no longer has to ask, she just goes and hugs them…yes…she has done it to a stranger. I had to delicately tell her that she can only do that if mommy is close by. I witnessed her call a bird to her finger during a walk around the lake. It was straight out of a Disney movie scene, she sang a little tune, bent down, stuck her finger out, and the freaking bird hopped straight to her, no fear being shown. It was insane to witness, but yet again I heard God say “you need her, I need her, this hurting world needs her”.
Kyrene Grace Harney, as I write this birthday blog, I just felt goosebumps again. The hurting world needs you, wow, do you know that? It needs your fire, it needs your deep love, it needs your eyes that see pain and instead of looking away you RUN straight toward it. You were planted in our Abba Father’s heart, before your soul formed inside my womb. My child, may God keep convicting my heart when I am overcome with your strength, may He show me that He gave you it so that you won’t crumble when adversity comes your way, instead you will rise up and keep pressing in. Gracie, I pray I won’t stand in your way when it is time to hug you and say goodbye as you venture away from our home and serve the hurting world. Gracie, shine bright, keep giving compassion to those who need it but can’t voice it, be first in line to help a person in need, run towards the hurting, most of all see and believe how treasured you are, our Heavenly Father made you to bring healing to this hurting land.
Happy birthday my favorite 5 yr old