It’s freaking valentines day tomorrow. I am beginning to dread this holiday and not because I don’t have the best reasons to ooze love out of every pore of my body, but because of pressure and demand it creates to go long lengths to show affection on one day…

My other reason for not caring for this holiday is because of a certain movie that is hitting box offices. A movie the world has deemed the epitomy of love, all things romantic and something that should be shared with the population so they too can partake…

I to be honest ignored all of the blogs, commentary, and spiteful articles or posts on social media. One because I get aggravated that I have to watch people fight on something that I partake in because I just want a mental break. Also because I see good hearted people flip a switch in an uncharacteristic way. Many times we lash out because we haven’t really sat down and thought it through why we feel or believe a certain way. SO…I stayed out of it. Mostly because I knew my heart and my brain weren’t on the same team yet. Then I had the opportunity to read a beautiful letter and it compelled me to actual share it and ultimately share my opinion. See we Christians, we face alot of adversity, we are called prejudice, intolerant, biggots, prudes…you get my gist. So many times when we take a stand we lack the very grace and LOVE that we are called to emit when we interact with others. Yet Christ called us to not “conform to the world, but be transformed to the renewing of our minds”. I have been wondering how am I suppose to explain to the unchurched, unbelieving, new believers, or my fellow sisters in Christ why we need to grasp what LOVE is in CHRIST before we make comments about a heated topic today or choose to not share our hearts because we don’t want to be set apart from the norm.

Then as I was faced with living the daily struggles of living in two worlds as one my dear bible study member so beautifully put, I then heard God speak to the questions that have been filling up the necessary spaces to function and leaving me overwhelmed and spent.

“love is patient and kind”

boy oh boy, this has been a HARD one to swallow this week. We are in the swing of full on plates overloaded, parents and kids spread thin and to top it off sickness. I wear many hats throughout the day, but I will admit being a nurse is the hardest one.

After rushing one morning to get valentines done in time for Ezzy’s preschool class, I was overwhelmed by the care that was being provided. You see, we were so busy we couldn’t even get to walmart in a timely fashion for vday cards, so daddy ran out early in the morning. I hadn’t expected the other kids to help, this was mommy and daddy’s fault. Yet there we were in a five foot radius with a naturally built assembly line busting out valentines. Sweet ya’el took her role seriously at eating whatever scraps of paper she could find.

“love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude”

We received news this morning that Ezzy’s strep test came back positive.

When we were told yesterday at the doctor that she probably had hand foot mouth or 5ths disease I was not happy. Honestly, I would take strep over those other lovely alaskan cruds. It was soon explained to her that she would not be able to attend her much anticipated Valentine party at school. She had come home earlier in the week ecstatic about her little mailbox she had built.

The tears came, she said “it’s not fair Cayden is going to have all the fun”

Without missing a beat, my little man responded. “Don’t worry Ezzy, I know where your class is, I will go down there and get your valentines for you”

He is turned her pain around and instead of building on her statement of him having fun, he deflected and made sure she knew that her feelings mattered.

“it does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, it keeps no record of being wronged”

This one gets me. I am at fault big time, I struggle with forgiveness…yup there I said it. If you wrong me, if you cut me to the core, an offense will take seed and I will water it, warm it with anger and tend to it to make sure it grows strong. Awful, I KNOW.

I was sharing with a friend that I had a come to Jesus moment with my mom and she put it out there plain as day, with no chance for rebuttal. She told me that every sin, every act, thought, desire that doesn’t glorify God, all the muck, Christ died for that. He died for me, so I had a chance to start over. She told me when I see a person that has hurt me to immediately visualize the words “forgiven” over their heads, to remember that I have been forgiven and must give what was freely given.

“it does not rejoice about the injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out”

I sat in a meeting recently for one of my roles outside of the home. A discussion was taking place and it was one that involved emotions, ones that made me want to rise to the temperature in the room and make sure I was heard. Yet I sat quietly, I prayed because I heard him clearly say, “what are you doing? start praying!” So when it came time for me to either involve my tongue or choose to let something go. I let it go. Because we have to believe that saying “the truth always comes out” is true. You know what happened? I left with a promotion and am still in awe as I am adjusting to what this means for the next year.

“love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance”

I was telling a friend I didn’t know why I was getting so riled up about the 50 shades of grey smut. I didn’t know why I was all of a sudden passionate about something that calls me to share my opinion openly and in settings where it is not always going to be received. She turned to me and said we all have our thing, the thing that drives us, the thing that God knew we could handle and use for him if we let him.

It was in that moment that I realized, YES, it is true, my thing is protecting what God gave us as a gift

I will tell you, that if I was the woman being accused of sin and surrounded by self righteous people ready to stone me, I would be not without fault in this area.

I loved how a friend recently said, “satan is a sneaky snake”. You might roll your eyes, but his plans and demise for a marriage worked. Hello Adam and Eve.

What lies are you believing right now? What temptations are you making compromises for? What is standing in the way of you understanding what LOVE is, God giving, life changing, perfect love?

I have to believe that ever since Richard and I took steps to safeguard our marriage, that is when the sneaky snake quit findings cracks in our foundation. He was unable to feed us lies that left us worse then we were before we heard them. Tears, threats of divorce, past choices, baggage we brought into our marriage were fuel to the fire. But through God’s grace we have found victory in areas we were convinced at one point would never bear beautiful fruit. You ever want to know what steps we took, ask me, Ill gladly share them with you.

All I know is that thousands of women and men are going to be flocking to something that degrades what a relationship is suppose to be. I also know how we can convince ourselves that it won’t impact us because we like the story line. Honey, if you have to read around the smut or buy/make a book cover to read a story line, just don’t bother.

How we do marriage impacts society, it impacts the generations rising up, it impacts the circles we are in. How we talk about out relationships, intimacy, and love carries so much weight.

Thankfully as I get older I realize now that there are more then 50 shades of love. I am learning it in the moments I see my children love unselfishly, in the moments we bite our tongues and show love and respect, when we smile and talk to the person who cut us deep, when we choose to stay committed to our spouse in EVERY aspect: heart, soul, mind, and body that is when we get a glimpse of God’s heart and how much he loves us.

“let love be your highest goal!” 1 Corinthians 14:1

if you are curious what the numerous shades of LOVE are, grab the bible, start digging. Check out 1 Corinthians 13:4-7. Need more passages, let me know!