I just went in for a recent checkup for baby#4. We talked about the concerns I have been having and then talked about how fast time is going. You know its going fast when your OB even thinks that things are flying. Baby girl, even with moving around and trying to kick the doppler, still has her normal 140 heartbeat. It’s steady and seems to resemble the mold God is making her in. I find that the times she reminds me she is in there is when its finally quiet, when her LOUD siblings are in bed, outside playing or I’m driving in the car by myself. It’s in those moments I will feel her twist and turn and maybe even breathe a sigh like I am as we settle in our few moments of peace from the rest of our family. I wonder at times will she be our quiet one? Out of her own nature or because of the pecking order? I wonder if she will run and hide in my arms when I myself am overwhelmed with the volume and activity my family makes.

You see I crave stability, I crave quiet, I crave the moments when I can hear my own heart beat, when I can listen to the stillness that comes with going into my prayer or bible study time. This I know for sure, came from my momma, so now I wonder will she too repeat history and carry this need on?

Richard and I were recently discussing a verse I heard. It is in Genesis 2:23, its when God reveals to Adam the creation of woman. I was telling Richard that I found it interesting that the VERY first mention of romance is so black and white. Adam doesn’t grovel, doesn’t specifically state the beauty of her hair, eyes, her womanly shape, or list every single description us women long for when we seek our mates’ approval. Instead it says he exclaimed, “At last! This one is bone of my bone, and flesh of my flesh”.

I asked Richard his thoughts, since after someone posted a very amusing link on FB for a fake add for a man and woman translator device, I realize how much we think and communicate differently.

Richard told me, “of course he said that, he looked at her and saw his reflection, and saw that she was his, bone of his bone, flesh of his flesh”, how ultimately Adam already “knew” Eve. He told me that was the most romantic thing he could have ever said. Adam understood in that moment that she was his and everything about her was made to complete him. He also told me it means that Adam, instinctively knew Eve’s heart. Wow…if I really think about it, Richard does know my heart, when HE is centered in God and looking to him to lead me.

Geez, I’m thankful for him today. I’m thankful that when I have a hard time understanding things, that I can rely on his perspective to ground me. To pull me out of my over emotional moments that can at times drive my thinking.

I have found that one blessing from getting up early and doing my bible study this week is seeing him before he leaves for work. When I was training for the half marathon we had breakfast every morning together. Since having my amnio and having a few health issues I haven’t been able to follow my much desired workouts. But now I find that I need to see him early in the morning. That I need to stand in the kitchen, tucked in his arms and just breathe him in. I have found that these last two crazy insane weeks aren’t over yet, and have pushed us to our limits, but just the simple act of holding each other is keeping us on the same team, even if we forget that we are from time to time.

After dwelling on this verse and thinking about how Adam exclaimed “at last” when he saw Eve, I realize that I want that to be how Richard sees me.

Those two words meant that Adam knew something was missing.

I started to then think about the very bones that are growing inside my womb, the very flesh that is slowly changing from translucent to pink. I can relate to what Richard said about the love, the ownership adam felt for eve. Because I love this little girl that is bone of my bone, flesh of my flesh. I would do anything for her, I long for her even though she is with me everywhere I go. Just like I love her siblings that challenge me, push me to my limits everyday, but yet know how to wedge themselves in-between my frustration and complete unconditional love for them. This little girl is what we have been missing and we never even knew it. I’m still processing the fact that even though the very thought of four children under the age of six TERRIFIES me, that somehow I know we all need her.

Today I am going to dwell on the fact that God said HE created us in His image, which means that HE equipped us with LOVE that knows no bounds. It means that when the going gets tough, when unexpected changes come to our family, when bullies are picking on Cayden at school, when Ezzy can’t seem to reign her emotions in, and when Kyre decides to constantly taste life and all it has to offer, that in the midst of it all God comes to remind us that HE loves us and the spouses, the little lives HE gives us are there to show us HE knows our hearts and needs. Even though families look different from one to another, each design is specific, based on each families need.

Just 14 more weeks till baby girl is due to be here. We are excited and yet also glad there is still time before she comes. We have recently realized we have work that needs to be done on our family, that we need to be more grounded in the word in order to help ground our children in God. We have them come early on sunday mornings to help setup church and they enjoy doughnuts for breakfast, praying that showing not telling them, how to have servants hearts, will make a diffrence.

So for now, our goal is to keep trying to let our kids know we desperately need them. We have been failing at this recently with the stress levels that seem to be unavoidable, but thankfully we have a chance to make this right. Thank goodness for God’s grace, because without it we would have thrown the towel in a long time ago on this whole marriage or parenting thing! We have a chance to let our babies know, the we “know” them, their hearts and their needs, because they are bone of our bones, and flesh of our flesh.

John 15:13 “There is no greater love than to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.”

Well the snow is falling and the girls and I are slowly recovering from our intense morning with our toyo stove. Glad to say our dog did her job and thanks to her I grabbed the girls, my phone, and ran outside with little time to realize that I didn’t have a bra or snow attire on. We figured out the issue and are back inside our toasty house, thankful to not end our day with a visit from some firemen…

Valentines Day totally snuck up on us this year, if it wasn’t for the friendly reminder from Cayden’s teacher, we probably wouldn’t have realized it till people started to put up all their status updates filled with acts of love they gave or received.

Really, our lives are that busy that even with a calendar on all our smart devices, calendar on the desk at work, and my Duck Dynasty calendar hanging in my dining room filled with reminders of all the different ways our family is being pulled, we still managed to space this holiday.

I had the pleasure of watching my son thoughtful write out his classmates’ names and would see a smile come across his face. Being the nosy mom I am, I would ask him why he was smiling. He then would share with me his silly stories or experiences he has had with the person that caused him to smile. The change to his new school hasn’t been easy, but it was one we couldn’t avoid. I am thankful that he is adapting, he is able to comprehend the reasons and he still musters up the courage to go each day. He has made friends, but reminds us on a daily basis that he isn’t learning anything and wishes he could learn about God like he use to at his old school. I still see the foundation we have been building in him, help him with challenges, thankfully. I still see a loving tender boy who made sure to save two valentines for his sisters, who hasn’t let the vastly different learning environment change him to the core.

I had a text message from my aunt a few weeks ago. We have grown closer over the years, and make an effort to be present in one another’s lives, even if time only allows a text, we will still make the effort. Since her and I are cut from the same cloth and seem to have been given the goggles that see the world’s problems and can’t seem to say no when we have an opportunity to help, we know how precious time is. She sent it to me at 5:30 in the morning, thanks to the time change. But her message was sweet, telling me that I popped in her head and she had to tell me she loved me. The strange part is that she was in my dreams that night, she was actually the first person on my heart when I woke. I shared this with her and we agreed that we needed to pray for one another, after sharing our prayer lists.

How many times have you had someone cross your mind? How many times have you acted on it? How many times have you brushed it aside and said, I’ll get to that later?

Honestly I am really failing at those things right now. I can blame school, my two jobs, my role as wife and mother, or the fact I’m pregnant. I could stand here and say my life is just too busy and justify my unwillingness to see outside of myself. Well today I realize I can’t do that anymore. That I have piled my plate too full, I have said yes too many times, and I have allowed excuses to justify my selfish actions when it comes to maintaining relationships.

I had to apologize a few weeks ago to a friend and say sorry for hiding out. That I had gone into my survival mode, which consists of me somewhat dropping off the face of the earth and causes my vulnerability in communication to cut off. Some might say, what’s the problem with that? But when my main social interaction is superficial, thanks to the world of social media and not actually involving a text or heck a phone call, then there is a problem. Our communication has become so stale, so impersonal that we now find texts or emails to suffice when expressing our emotions and thoughts. We convince ourselves that we can approach serious matters through a text message and think it will resolve something…I recently had a mentor tell me to NEVER fall into this trap…opps to late, been there done that and I’ll tell you what it made things worse! There use to be a time when we wrote letter, made the effort to find stationary, a stamp and get our butts inside a Post Office. There use to be a time when we would pick up a phone and call one another and hear each other’s hearts and tone when sharing our lives. There use to be a time when relationships grew during face to face time, not through endless texts that can be potentially misread into because we can’t see the body language or tone being used on the other side. But those times are gone, we know live in a world that we say a text or fb message is enough to keep a relationship thriving and growing.

What is wrong with us?!?

I am the BIGGEST offender of this. I have lived my live through these easy modes of communication. In all honesty due to life with Ezzy. My social life died the day we were told CF was our future. But I have allowed that to be my crutch, my excuse to not picking up the phone, for not standing in line and sending a birthday card to my dear friend who is working and pregnant, but still found time to send me one, for not calling another friend who is getting ready to walk down the isle next month…

I need to thank the friend who told me she misses me today, but decided to lovingly call me SUPERWOMAN. She told me that the offer for coffee will always be there until our schedules finally match, she told me that she knows I’m crazy busy, but she atleast told me she missed me. Do you have friends like that? Well if you do CHERISH them, take the time to say thank you to them, thank you for not discarding you when your list of excuses allow you to forget about them and their feelings!

So as we approach Valentines Day tomorrow, what are you going to do? Are you going to see it as just another day or are you going to get over yourself and sent a belated card to someone who needs to know they are on your heart, will you call and get flowers delivered to someone who is recently alone on the holiday, will you stop running around the house trying to attack your to do list and bend down to kiss and hug your child who is playing quietly on their own because they recognize that “crazy” determined look in your eyes that means your “too busy” to come and play with them?

All I know is that pesky paper that is due monday evening for me, the piles of laundry that are making our rooms stink, the floors that haven’t been mopped in a month, and the meeting I need to prep for tonight is going to have to wait. I need to be still and not ignore the people God has laid on my heart, I need to evaluate the relationships that might be slipping, but most of all I need to be present with my little princess who just asked me to come and sit with her while she watches Peppa the Pig, while sissy naps.

I have been seeking God recently on failures that have been placed at my feet. I have asked HIM to show me what are truths and what are lies. But more importantly I have asked him to give me a heart after him, one that resembles the commandments He gave us when He said:

Mark 12:31 “The second is equally important: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself. No other commandment is greater than these.”