I just went in for a recent checkup for baby#4. We talked about the concerns I have been having and then talked about how fast time is going. You know its going fast when your OB even thinks that things are flying. Baby girl, even with moving around and trying to kick the doppler, still has her normal 140 heartbeat. It’s steady and seems to resemble the mold God is making her in. I find that the times she reminds me she is in there is when its finally quiet, when her LOUD siblings are in bed, outside playing or I’m driving in the car by myself. It’s in those moments I will feel her twist and turn and maybe even breathe a sigh like I am as we settle in our few moments of peace from the rest of our family. I wonder at times will she be our quiet one? Out of her own nature or because of the pecking order? I wonder if she will run and hide in my arms when I myself am overwhelmed with the volume and activity my family makes.
You see I crave stability, I crave quiet, I crave the moments when I can hear my own heart beat, when I can listen to the stillness that comes with going into my prayer or bible study time. This I know for sure, came from my momma, so now I wonder will she too repeat history and carry this need on?
Richard and I were recently discussing a verse I heard. It is in Genesis 2:23, its when God reveals to Adam the creation of woman. I was telling Richard that I found it interesting that the VERY first mention of romance is so black and white. Adam doesn’t grovel, doesn’t specifically state the beauty of her hair, eyes, her womanly shape, or list every single description us women long for when we seek our mates’ approval. Instead it says he exclaimed, “At last! This one is bone of my bone, and flesh of my flesh”.
I asked Richard his thoughts, since after someone posted a very amusing link on FB for a fake add for a man and woman translator device, I realize how much we think and communicate differently.
Richard told me, “of course he said that, he looked at her and saw his reflection, and saw that she was his, bone of his bone, flesh of his flesh”, how ultimately Adam already “knew” Eve. He told me that was the most romantic thing he could have ever said. Adam understood in that moment that she was his and everything about her was made to complete him. He also told me it means that Adam, instinctively knew Eve’s heart. Wow…if I really think about it, Richard does know my heart, when HE is centered in God and looking to him to lead me.
Geez, I’m thankful for him today. I’m thankful that when I have a hard time understanding things, that I can rely on his perspective to ground me. To pull me out of my over emotional moments that can at times drive my thinking.
I have found that one blessing from getting up early and doing my bible study this week is seeing him before he leaves for work. When I was training for the half marathon we had breakfast every morning together. Since having my amnio and having a few health issues I haven’t been able to follow my much desired workouts. But now I find that I need to see him early in the morning. That I need to stand in the kitchen, tucked in his arms and just breathe him in. I have found that these last two crazy insane weeks aren’t over yet, and have pushed us to our limits, but just the simple act of holding each other is keeping us on the same team, even if we forget that we are from time to time.
After dwelling on this verse and thinking about how Adam exclaimed “at last” when he saw Eve, I realize that I want that to be how Richard sees me.
Those two words meant that Adam knew something was missing.
I started to then think about the very bones that are growing inside my womb, the very flesh that is slowly changing from translucent to pink. I can relate to what Richard said about the love, the ownership adam felt for eve. Because I love this little girl that is bone of my bone, flesh of my flesh. I would do anything for her, I long for her even though she is with me everywhere I go. Just like I love her siblings that challenge me, push me to my limits everyday, but yet know how to wedge themselves in-between my frustration and complete unconditional love for them. This little girl is what we have been missing and we never even knew it. I’m still processing the fact that even though the very thought of four children under the age of six TERRIFIES me, that somehow I know we all need her.
Today I am going to dwell on the fact that God said HE created us in His image, which means that HE equipped us with LOVE that knows no bounds. It means that when the going gets tough, when unexpected changes come to our family, when bullies are picking on Cayden at school, when Ezzy can’t seem to reign her emotions in, and when Kyre decides to constantly taste life and all it has to offer, that in the midst of it all God comes to remind us that HE loves us and the spouses, the little lives HE gives us are there to show us HE knows our hearts and needs. Even though families look different from one to another, each design is specific, based on each families need.
Just 14 more weeks till baby girl is due to be here. We are excited and yet also glad there is still time before she comes. We have recently realized we have work that needs to be done on our family, that we need to be more grounded in the word in order to help ground our children in God. We have them come early on sunday mornings to help setup church and they enjoy doughnuts for breakfast, praying that showing not telling them, how to have servants hearts, will make a diffrence.
So for now, our goal is to keep trying to let our kids know we desperately need them. We have been failing at this recently with the stress levels that seem to be unavoidable, but thankfully we have a chance to make this right. Thank goodness for God’s grace, because without it we would have thrown the towel in a long time ago on this whole marriage or parenting thing! We have a chance to let our babies know, the we “know” them, their hearts and their needs, because they are bone of our bones, and flesh of our flesh.