JOY, TEARS, and GRACIE

Kyrene Grace I will never forget the morning I first found out about you. I crawled into bed and wept in your daddy’s arms. My tears weren’t relief or joy that we would soon be bringing another life into the world. My tears were plagued with fear and anger. I was shocked, confused and worried. We had been doing everything right, taken all the steps to not have another child, more specifically another child with CF. Yet there I was with two little lines that determined my future.

God has a reassuring way of revealing HIS timing and plan. When I was unable to experience a shred of joy in the months leading up to the results of the amnio, He thankfully brought people to me that had joy to share. The few people who thought about the broken scared momma before they spoke are people I will one day tell you about. They first reaction was complete JOY, but then empathy when they thought about your big sister, and then FAITH as they knew who to go to when praying for you.

I will never forget the day I found out that you weren’t coming with an expiration date. It was midmorning, your papa had come over to see Ezzy and I was cleaning the kitchen. The phone rang and I began to ignore it like I usually do, but then I had the need to walk over and see the caller ID. I panicked and grabbed the phone immediately once I saw the Seattle area code. We weren’t expecting a call for another week. When I answered the phone, the caller revealed why they were calling, within seconds, I found out that the needle that had invaded your home revealed you were going to be healthy just like your brother. I laughed, told the women she had no idea how much she made my day and quickly said goodbye. Your father rejoiced with me a few minutes later, along with all the other people who had been praying for you since they found out about your existence.

We promised your siblings that you would come when the snow came…BIG mistake! Your brother was so upset the first time the snow fell and you were still nestled in my tummy. The day finally came and I found myself in labor at 10:30 at night. You didn’t come easy not that I should have expected it. You took your time, I remember being at my wits end, and then there you were looking up at me laying on my chest. Before we left, Debbie and Leonard came to hold you, kiss you, and pray over you. You were anointed with oil and had verses read over you and a vision of your life was revealed to your parents who couldn’t believe Gods Grace, yes miss Gracie Poo, we named you Kyrene Grace, which means the Lords Grace, because HE is faithful. As we began to bundle you up and prepare you for two little people who couldn’t wait to see you, we looked out the hospital window and saw SNOW falling.

JOY, the last thing I experienced in the 22 wks of waiting to hear the results, soon became a daily, hourly, minute, and every second reality. I couldn’t believe how easy going you were. You tolerated the endless sticky kisses from your brother and sister, chunks of donuts in your hair, the constant barking of the dog who felt the need to protect the newest member of the pack, and most of all you calmly waited your turn until mommy could hold, change, feed you since your brother and sister required so much.

Over the last 2 years I have watched you become your sister’s best friend. You have provided her so much JOY when her life of isolation and loneliness is her reality.

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Your brother turns to mush at the second you cry after being reprimanded or hurt and I soon find you in his arms. You love to play tricks on them and come laughing to me when I hear them calling my name in an annoyed tone. You can’t let daddy leave lunch without atleast 3 rounds of kisses and hugs. You make sure mommy spends a minimum of 10 minutes holding you each morning before you embark on all the adventures your 2 year old mind dreams of. You are teaching us the meaning of FAITH, how God knew we all needed you to bring JOY into our lives. JOY each time we have to leave 5 minutes early because you INSIST on buckling yourself, JOY when you decide to be a helper and try to empty your potty on your own when mommy is doing the dishes, JOY when you decide to hide your binkies in places because daddy keeps telling you they are going to go away for ever, JOY when you sing at the top of your lungs ANYTIME you hear music.

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Miss Gracie Poo, we love you. I don’t think there are enough words to describe how we all feel about you, you have ministered to our hearts in different ways and we all have a different bond with you. I could waste time feeling guilt or shame about my heart in regards to your life, but I won’t. I believe you are who you are because God knew that in order for us to fulfill HIS plan for our family, we needed you. Thank you for always giving affection to one of us when we need it most, thank you for scrunching your nose when mommy and daddy are in too deep of a conversation, and thank you for reminding us all that there is always time to dance and sing when JOY is pouring out of you! Happy 2nd birthday!!!!!!

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