Ever since January 1st of this year, my family had been in countdown mode, primarily led by our efficient 4 year old. Every morning would start with him asking “mom,what is today…how many more days…what?!?, thats too much, its never going to come!” The countdown was for our family trip to AZ, disney land and lego land!
There were days that I felt the same, I had been dreaming of going “home”. I know it sounds silly to say that, I am reminded daily that here, ketchikan, is my home, but I swear a piece of me, fairly large piece was left in AZ.
Soon the month of February came and each day was flying by, I had been appointed as THE worship leader for our church and Richard began to really pray and prepare for his new discipleship program he is starting at our church. Before we knew it we found ourselves in single digits on the countdown. With 5 days left, I could no longer contain my ever thorough, list-making, OCD, anxious self. I started to find a little tranquility in making lists, going over it each lunch break with Richard, making sure I didn’t forget one thing…packing for a family of 5, for weather none of us had seen in a long time was daunting.
Like always last minute things came up, and stopped me from being able to actual pack for said trip. We were scheduled to leave Feb 16th, early Saturday morning. I had to be in training the wednesday and thursday (all day) that week, which left Richard having to take time off right before leaving. We had noticed Ezzy was feeling run down at the beginning of the week. She started to eat less, was on edge more, and quite frankly just not herself.
So Friday, 24 hours before boarding the plane, everything on my list had to get packed, house had to get organized, and last minute errands needed to be run before leaving the rock for 2 whole glorious weeks. To back up a little Ezzy had puked wednesday at dinner, which even though its not common for her to puke, we weren’t overly alarmed. She had eaten like a bird on thursday, but I just had assumed she was having tummy issues that are very common with CF, she was having bowel movements, peeing and drinking water and milk. I fed her breakfast Friday and within 30 minutes she was crying in pain and puked everything up. I immediately felt a pit in my stomach…but I quickly ignored it and kept looking at my every growing list that needed my undivided attention. I gave her some pedialyte and a bowl and asked her to sit on the couch while I packed next to her. She would let out whimpers, hold her tummy and say “me hurt mommy”. Then what little fluid I got in her soon was sitting in the bowl. I looked at her tummy, it was distended, and somewhat hard.
Thats when I went into autodrive…I quickly recalled reading signs of bowel obstructions on my CF mom FB site. I quickly made a post, explained her symptoms and then called our CF docs. The next few hours were horrible. I waited and waited for our docs to call us, left two messages. Tried to get them paged, (no help from the receptionist at Children’s) all the while watching my little one decline at a very fast rate. You see, puking for kids is scary, especially when they are little, but when you add CF into the picture, the risks and damage of dehydration comes fast, due to her cells being unable to hold onto salt. I had quite a few moms tell me that it sounded like an obstruction was taking place. I finally received a call back from our CF docs, thanks to my unhappy, and somewhat pushy husband…its in those moments I am reminded God knew Ezzy needed an advocate like her daddy. We were told to get to the ER ASAP!!!
I gently tried to get Ezzy ready, fighting the tears, and didn’t even take a second look at the mess my house was. We walked in and one of our nurses saw me and immediately recognized me from church, she then was informed that ezzy “was the child they were warned about”. One of our CF nurses called ahead to make sure that the ER staff knew we needed care ASAP.
An hour after the xrays,we were met by our ER doc, whom we had spoken with for less then 3 minutes prior to the Xray. He then dropped a massive bomb on me. He told me that he had been in communication with our docs at Childrens and the decision was that Ezzy had to be admitted. That we were going to be here for a while, she was very sick and we were not going to be going on our trip, the one we had saved over a year for and the one that we all needed after the year of health issues and attacks we went through.
Cayden was insistent on seeing Ezzy when he got out of school. He was really scared that the doctors were going to cut her tummy open. The scar on her belly reminds us daily of the rough start our little Ezzy had. When Cayden showed up, he immediately when into “big brother” mode, seeing his sister sick and not herself, he took it upon himself to try and make her laugh, God SO knew she would need him…I feel for the man who thinks he can take her away from brother and dad
We soon had to send her siblings on their way, we were told that an IV had to be done. Soon two nurses were having their way with Ezzy’s little tiny arm and ended with me about ready to litterally rip their heads off…it pains me to admit it, but when I watched my little 3 year old lay there, with NO fight in her, and have them poke her 3x, the last time for almost 2 minutes, digging the needle in her, and yes it really was a 2 minute ordeal the 3x around, all i wanted to do was scream!!! She let out a little whimper and didn’t fight with her arms, legs, or body…just laid there.
That was when the fear seeped in, it was in that moment I became terrified of what was going on in our little miracle, ever since the day of conception, every since the first division of her cells, her days were already numbered. I finally realized I was living the nightmare that so many other CF parents have lived, realizing the last 3 years with her have been a piece of cake. Sure we have had our moments of wondering what was going to happen, but they were so brief, nothing like the current situation I found myself in…everything was in slow motion.
The director of the CF clinic called me to tell me that if the prescription laxative didn’t work we were looking at an NG tube to suck the obstruction out, if that didn’t work, then surgery. He said we were looking at atleast a week of hospitalization, IF they didn’t have to do surgery.
Long story short, because I realize this post is the longest I have written…Ezzy defied the odds yet again!!
The moment we were told to go to the ER, I sent out texts to our friends, our family, the people I know who will drop everything and pray.
I had to tearfully said goodbye to Ezzy and Richard friday night, and was told I had to go on the trip as scheduled. NO THANKS to alaska airlines, who was going to charge us $1000, to change our tickets, even with documentation from the hospital.
Richard had complete faith that they were going to make the trip…I how ever didn’t have the same faith 😦 All i could do was let fear, anger, hurt, and despair tell me that the trip that had been a dream for months was now a nightmare.
After wrestling with God, Im not joking…I really had it out with him. I boarded the plane minus Richard and Ezzy and tried to not freak out and have an emotional breakdown in the airport.
Well, our overnight stay in Seattle was a night that I experienced God in a way I didn’t expect…I opened my hotel door due to a friend who had driven up with her family telling me to “come here” , to find my little miracle standing there wide eyed and saying “hi mommy”. 24 hrs after being hospitalized Ezzy was walking,talking, eating, and most importantly POOPING!
For this reason, I am going to do my best to remember that even though Gods ways many times don’t make sense, that HIS plans are all the matter. That the sadness that overtook me the night before, leaving tear soaked sheets, was turned to JOY.
GOD is good, and Ezzy’s health and healing are another testimony to the power of prayer!