W. Cayden

Today has finally come

The conversation of this day really started when we went on our big senior year trip together to Israel at the beginning of the year.  I knew the importance of saying things out loud and letting them soak for a bit.  I learned on all our long run Saturdays, training for ½ marathons when you were in 5 th grade; that you need time to process.  

My favorite part of the day on your senior trip was at the end, when we worked to the point our bodies told us we put in a solid day and we were sitting together, just the two of us, in the Shuk near old town Jerusalem, decompressing. I will forever cherish those times with you.

Listening to you understand world issues, after living through them and how they shaped you after our time in Israel, even though the last half of our time was living in a warzone, I know without a doubt God was working that out for what you have decided to commit yourself to in the coming years.

If I could tell myself what I would feel now in preparation of what is happening today, 8 months later…I can’t help but wonder if I would speak or live differently…

Regret loves to try and get the last say, thank God for His character of NEW!!

The beautiful thing about each rising sun, is there is NEW grace and NEW mercy waiting for us, just like the scriptures say in Lamentations 3:22-23.  In fact Cayden I am praying this verse over you now as you are learning today what the new normal is going to look like, “The steadfast love of the LORD never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.”

I haven’t taken lightly the texts or verbal words spoken to my face from other mothers about the first baby bird leaving the nest.  Those words have challenged my “tough it out” mentality and caused it to melt at times. Given me permission to feel all the feels. Inviting them in, allows for me to embrace and then let go…what we are all called to do when big emotions come, they are never meant to be our identity or reality.

It wasn’t that long ago that I swear I was telling you and Michael that you had only 20 more minutes to play before it was time to come in and wash up for dinner.  Saving the world would have to wait until the next day, chores, dinner and bedtime were your priorities.  

I cherished the days when I would hear from a community member after they ran into you, while we let your boundary lines expand in jr high. I would be given a report that every mom would hope to hear.  Then came the days that grown adults I grew to respect or my peers, would tell me that you were like no other young man they knew. Be still my heart.

Cayden Harney

I have known since the day I found out a miracle was growing inside of me that you would not have a normal road.

Yet here we are – walking not a normal road and trying to not freak out.

There won’t be Christmas breaks, spring breaks or summer breaks with you.  Your calling has you saying “see you later” for quite some time.  We both knew college wasn’t going to be your thing, but this…wow…

What does a mother of only 18 years, who still feels like a novice say to you, the grown man that is embarking on a journey of a lifetime?

In the quiet times I have let my emotional guards down and been honest with the Lord, I have come to a few things that I pray will be the anchor to the raging seas that will come as we continue this journey together. Mama and grown son.

MY Son – Remember:

#1- the fruit exposes the roots

What you do in this life will echo in eternity.  Every decision you make has ripple effect, what mark are you wanting to leave on this earth? You want to be able to sign off at the end of the day that you lived your life to the fullest, being true to God who formed you and created you to be. Your roots not only show WHO you are planted in, but what your fruit should look like.  My prayer for you as you live in this broken world, is that you will be the man that Jeremiah 17:7-8 says, “a man that bears fruit in ALL seasons”, because his roots are planted in God who brings us GOODNESS.  There will hands down be seasons of drought, but IF you remain in Jesus, He will give you all that you need.  I loved telling you recently of the times God showed up BIG for our family when resources or life circumstances were grim.  God ALWAYS gets the last say.

#2 – time is elusive 

I swear we were just talking about what it would be like to leave home and here you are, flying off to what will be home for the next 6 years or more.  I am so thankful for my sabbatical from work, because it provided more moments one on one (which you know is special in our large family).  We talked about things I never knew we would.  Yet time and time again, we came back to the fact that time moves quickly.  Cayden, seize the day, live like your future is secure in Christ, but with enough urgency that you say yes to the things that scare the crap out of you (because God is with you everystep of the way).  

If there is one thing we both can agree on, being the non-risk takers of the family, being on the other side of those risks, usually leave us with big smiles and shared words of joy.  Remember, to live is Christ, Jesus holds your tomorrow.  As long as you give each day to Him, you can trust that He has your back. Who else can define eternity, other than the One who created us?  Look to Him, the maker of time, to order your days.

#3 – Keep your eyes open and on Jesus

There are so many things that want to distract and take you away from what really matters.  Often there would be frustrations with your friends at times when choosing devices over real time connection was their priority.  You have understood from a young age the greatest gift you can give another, is the gift of your presence.  “Little man” was a nick name given and I still smile when I think of your chubby little cheeks, your soft tender voice and your resolute statements that reminded adults around you that you were wise beyond your years.  I was blessed to hear similar words spoken over you at your goodbye dinner last week and was challenged to trust the foundation you have.  You see, hear and feel Jesus – which is all I wanted for you in this life.  

Lately the Lord has been faithful in my human mom anxious mornings, to tell me that who you are getting ready to do life with, they NEED you.  Because you know Jesus personally – you will introduce them to Him.  Because your eyes see Him, your ears are tuned to His voice and your steps are calibrated to the leading of the Holy Spirit, the lost will be found.  When you face one of many moments when you don’t know what to do, LOOK to Jesus and He WILL lead you.

There are so many other things I could say to you, but I will rest in what I have shared.

The little boy that would coming running inside and ask for just a few more minutes, with nerf guns stuffed in his pants and more testosterone than I knew what to do with, is now a grown man who has made some significant choices that have you on new missions that I can’t even fathom.

I am thankful we booked the trip, even though it wasn’t convenient and came with different levels of costs.  Because I got to see you attend to each Harney sister and love them the way they were created to be loved.  You don’t know this now, but you continually have showed them what they deserve and who they should look for.  Thank you for loving sacrificially, the way that Jesus calls men to love women.  Thank you for being their protector and stepping in when they needed someone to fight for their worth or honor in a world that despises and uses women.  Thank you for choosing them, even when it wasn’t cool or cost you with your friends…what you, the Harney 5 pack have, it’s what people wish and pray for.

Son, I have cherished every late night conversation this last year, even when it was well past my bedtime.  I wouldn’t have wanted to be in any other war-torn region, than with you, reminding me what really matters.  I wouldn’t want any other guy, rage baiting me, just to be met with that smile that gets you out of any situation.  I wouldn’t want any other child, to learn how to go from nursery rhymes and sleeping in my arms, to listening to your words and watching you walk out the door into the world.

Cayden, we couldn’t be more proud of the man you are. What you are stepping into is just a bonus to the man we already know you to be today.  It may not make sense to others around you, the call you are stepping into, but it does to us. We have always known you were made for more than the status quo.  

Remember where you came from, remember WHO you are and remember the Author of your story knows what He is writing.

This is not goodbye, but “see you soon” son