The places she will go

“Oh her freckles…she is so beautiful!”

I have gotten so use to people commenting on the little army of spots across the bridge of her nose and cheeks that it doesn’t phase me anymore, even when it’s a stranger.

I have watched her quiet demeanor be something that attracts attention from only the most attentive people.  She doesn’t walk in a room and command it.  She doesn’t make sure that she is the loudest voice to be heard.  She doesn’t expect to lead the group of people she is around.  She would much rather stay in the background, observing.

I have shared before in past birthday blogs on how life with a big family, being smack in the middle or having an older sister with a fatal disease has naturally stolen any chances of having the spotlight.  But I have watched in these years to see how all those things are developing her character and helping her see the world with empathy.

Dinner preparations will be at the height of chaos, with little sisters “quietly” playing at my feet with cooking utensils, my face is most likely making a frustrated scrunchy face while I attempt to carefully read the newest grainfree/dairyfree/sugarfree meal.  That is when she decides to make her entrance in the kitchen after a long day at school.  To her its finally quiet enough to garner my full attention.  Her older brother and sister have hammered their rounds at the day at mom and looked past her divided attention, so now its her turn.

What I have found if I don’t quickly change the look on my face or for goodness sake just put the preparation on hold, her response will be “oh, I can see you are busy, I will come back later”.  Yet, I am finding, rarely she does.  Rarely she comes back, eagerly telling me her day.

The last few months of my life have been immersed in a brand new way of thinking.  I have been blessed to be a new student in the soul formation academy.  It has challenged every part of my being and how I see God, but also how my soul has been shaped through my environment and more importantly, how do I get it in line with the heart of our heavenly Father.

I am thankful for the opportunity to change my thinking and acting patterns.  Kyrene Grace is definitely a benefactor.

If I can’t pause dinner, due to the countless activities we have going on every night of the week, I will come to her, I will find her in her safe tucked away space in the house, decompressing the day of people in her face nonstop.  I will sit with her and ask “ok kyre grace, what did you want to tell me about school?”.  I will sit next to her on the couch while there is loud chaos going on in the kitchen with dad and the older siblings, the littles racing down the hallway, I will gently probe her with questions that will help me understand what is going on in her mind that keeps her not always present with us.

She is always thinking.  She is always processing.  She is always watching the world around her.

Recently she sauntered up next tome, it actually made me think of the way a cat would come to their owner that finally came home after hours of being away, only to wait a good 30 mins to show affection because they didn’t want their owner to think they “needed” them.  She tucked into my side and said “momma, do you know I am a missionary?”  Eyes twinkling on a bed of freckles, smile spread across her face so that her dimples sink in farther, assurance and joy wrapping the statement she just made.

Kyrene Grace Harney, has it already woven in her soul that she has the gift and the world needs it.  She has found that she is loved and enough in the eyes of the one who knit her together in my womb and she wants everyone to feel that same way.  She told me that she tells her classmates about Jesus, that he loves them and she asks them to come to church with her.

When walmart was all out of costumes and the normal, make them ourselves wasn’t an option, she ended up coming home with a witch costume.  Without me scolding her daddy, something they all knew I was capable of doing, she walked right up to me and said “I told Jesus, I still love him the most”.  Her conviction is endearing.

I find it so amazing that the child I questioned the Lord the most with “why?” would be the child that I have heard him tell me, “don’t hold on to tightly to her, I have a big call on her life, you need to trust me”.  Interesting, right? Given the diagnosis of her sister.  Yet God in his providence is preparing me for the work that he has for her to do and my heart for letting her go and do it one day, work that is probably going to scare this momma’s heart.

Today, my little missionary turns 7.  Today she gets to go and spend it with her best friend.  We are going to have a fancy lunch at a restaurant, play at the toy store, get frojo and later open presents with her family that is always learning how to love her in ways that she needs the most, even if she fails at times to tell us how in her little 7 year old ways.

Kyrene Grace, you are 7 years old today.  Thanks for reminding me that everyone needs to be loved uniquely, that they deserve it.  Thank you for reminding me that God loves to show his glory in people that don’t fit the mold.  Thank you for loving others that the world deems unworthy, I am touched by every single teacher you have had telling me that you are partnered with the challenging kids because of your consistent patience with them.  Thank you for your sneaky smiles that always catch me off guard and turn my hard days around.

Happy birthday Gracie

4 thoughts on “The places she will go”

  1. Another great Birthday blog, love them all💕 Your kids are so lucky to have their lives chronicled by someone so adept at putting it down.

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