It has been 4 weeks or 32 days or 768 hours since Ya’el has been in our lives. When I stop and think about how long she has been in our arms, I wonder if God is listening to my heart, did he not hear me when I told…I mean asked him to slow down time? But then there are days when I look into this little soul’s eyes and get completely lost with such an intensity that I can’t remember the past without out her. We dreamed of her after watching her suck her thumb the whole time during the anatomy check and we now watch her do in “real life”
It was and still is a fog for me. If we had any hopes of life being easy with 4 littles ones, it quickly vanished with the realization that all of them were “sick” and had to be seen. Cayden with a lingering sinus infection, Ezzy with a nasty cough that got worse along with an ear infection, Kyre with a horrendous pesky sinus infection and Ya’el with a high bili count that was making her the color of a pumpkin. Ezzy started calling her “my little pumpkin”. So we soon found ourselves at the doctor office with all of them, armed with snacks, water, and yes electronics.
We survived, we were told our children were amazing and left completely thankful that their temporary lack of health was soon fading. Ya’el was typically found nestled on my left side, near to my heart, soothed by the steady beating, the sound that most likely lulled her to sleep in my belly and soon was given the nickname “the tumor” by daddy.
Richard went back to work, working 1/2 days. He went back with a promotion and found himself the new supervisor, supervising people who he came into this job looking up too. Talk about extra stress to an already stressful week. It may not seem like such a hard thing, but good lord, I dreaded after lunch when I knew he would be walking out the door and it was 4 against 1. We would have given anything to make his paternity leave longer, but life with Ezzy requires always having a minimum of a week of PTO saved if she has to be hospitalized or sent south. The kids took it easy on me and even with the night meetings and tasks that kept him at the office longer then expected, we survived. Ya’el spent her days following the strict schedule Nana gave her: eat, sleep, and poop. Even though at times she seemed like a blob I overheard Ezzy telling her that she was “delicious” and that she just wanted to “eat her”…yeah, note to self, DON’T leave the baby with the 4 yr old.
Reality really sunk in, Richard was back to work full-time and had a few lunch breaks that left him at work and me on my own with an always hungry baby and 3 verbally demanding children. Those crazy post pregnancy hormones found their way quickly in my mind, leaving me wondering why on earth God thought I could handle another. I apparently was unable to hide it after awhile and came rushed out of the bathroom after helping the 2 yr old and was given orders by Cayden to go and eat, that “he had her”.
Ladies if you have a daughter around 6 I would highly suggest a pre-arranged marriage with my little man, really, he is just amazing. My sweet momma saw a break in the weather and took a day off to help me get out with the kids, knowing the 4 walls were beginning to take its toll on us. We spent the day at the beach and soaked up each ray of sunshine we could find, healing my awful thoughts that told me I didn’t deserve my babies.
Ya’el started to spend more time awake and I found my sweet quiet little soul staring at me as I sang to her, listening carefully to every note.
Just when it seemed like the demanding nursing schedule my growing chubby baby was on just might be doable, I found myself at midnight with chills and some of the most severe pelvic pain in my life. After a trip to the doctor I was sent home with antibiotics and pain meds and told I had an infection and to take it very easy. Take it easy?!? With 5 people relying on me…yeah…ok…I was blessed by a sweet friend who took the 3 big kids for the day and then brought dinner to us. My mom came over each day after work to help in whatever way a family of 6 needed: dinner, dishes washed, laundry folded, bottoms wiped or spanked, baby rocked, bedtime stories read, a push on a swing, or a listening ear.
If you have had the chance to steal a glance of Ya’el, you might think she looks just like her brother
if you attempt to say her name infront of her sisters you will find a 4 and 2 yr old correcting your pronunciation
if you are blessed to hold her you will soon find the stressors of life melt as you close your eyes and breathe her in.
I would be doing a diservice to you all if I wasn’t completely transparent. We love her more then anything, but her arrival brought with her the fact that we all had to re-establish our roles with our family. The kids 95% of the time hold no resentment to her and actually can’t seem to give her space, so much so that we have to tell them she needs “time-out” from the constant touching…and yet she still seems to constantly be in contact with someone.
Even though Richard and I have added a new little life to our family every other year for the past 6 yrs, we still had to figure out how to adjust, how to dance again with one another. All I can say is that I am thankful for a spouse, a best friend, a man of God who when we seemed to reach our max, he stepped back, held my hand and prayed to the one who holds and has held us close in our relationship these past 14 yrs.
There are going to be days when I am going to run and hide in the bathroom with my secret stash of chocolate that I save for the many “emergencies” that a mom of multiple children will need, there are going to be days when my house looks like an atomic bomb went off and it’s only 9 a.m., there are going to be days when you will run into me at the grocery store and I look disheveled and my kids might or might not have had a bath in 3 days, BUT I will tell you this, that even with all the crazy she has brought to our lives if you were to ask each of us, we wouldn’t trade her for anything, our lives have all made space and entwined with another yet again and we are an even stronger family for it. Sweet baby Ya’el we love you and are treasuring watching you grow and helping make us better people for learning to give when we think can’t give anymore and smile when we think there it’s nothing to smile about!