W. Cayden Harney – you are 18 years old today.  Your father just said “I can’t believe we have a 18 yr old, we are old”

I couldn’t agree more as I have been looking in the tired eyes and the newly sprouted grey hairs I have from living in a warzone with you recently in Jerusalem. Your entrance into the world 18 years ago has not been rushed but instead a steady cadence.

Every time I see a brand-new set of parents, I think about how crazy it was to be 23 years old, fresh out of college and working at my first job as a professional and reading the 2 pink lines.  Your dad and I had hopes of starting a family, but were told that it was going to be a LONG hard journey with no promises.  Yet there you were growing inside my belly.

You have had to deal with novice parents every single step of the way.  You have had to deal with inconsistencies in our parenting as you watched us adapt and learn new ways of doing things with each little sister.  You have made us face situations first – leaving all 3 of us with plenty of growth opportunities.

There have been moments I worry about how hard it was on you, having stressed out parents with a sick sister.  Her disease and diagnosis left us operating many times in unhealthy ways because we were white knuckling our way through life.  I am sure that one day you will need to go and have a counselor help you navigate some of your early childhood experiences.  Verbally processing has never been something you do willingly, but I know you have a lot to say.  You are very perceptive and can read between the lines.  Listening to you lead our mission team in morning devotions, left tears in not just my eyes.

While we were in Israel, one of our team members told me they couldn’t believe you were only 17, they assumed you were 21.  Another team member said “he carries himself so well in conversations and can surpass adults in his insights”.  Another team member said, “it is evident Cayden has a call on his life to teach the gospel”.  One of the international workers said “I would love to have him come and live with us for a year – he is such a good man”.

It shouldn’t surprise me that people see you for who you are.  Ever since you were a little boy, people have identified your leadership skills, your compassion, your advocacy for the least of these, your determination and your deep soul.  I smiled at every parent/teacher conference through the years, as your teachers would say “I can’t wait to see what he will do in this world”.  It’s a well-known fact that we all know you aren’t meant for mediocrity – you are meant to change the world.

While in the warzone and being stuck with a rule following mom – you pushed the line. We were going stir crazy, it had been days of being cooped up.  We were given the go ahead to go for a run; we had lived the life of sheltering in place as soon as the alerts and sirens went off for DAYS.  We had learned where the shelters were because of the few times we would leave to go and get food.  You decided to take us on a route that would let us explore a little. I was nervous – I wanted to follow the rules.  But then I heard the Spirit of God say “you can trust Him – I am leading him – you will not be in danger”.  It was clear as day.

So, I relinquished control – something that God was trying to teach me in that moment.  Because in a few short months I won’t have any say to where and when you go on adventures.  You will be living your life and being the man that we have prayed and waited for you to be.

That run ended up being one of the highlights of our trip.  As you ran and then would hold back for your slow mom, I realized this is now how life is going to be. You would wait and make sure I could still see you and check to make sure I was ok.

Watching you from a distance, living your life and making your own way in the world, but with the promise that you will look back at your mama, your home, your family and check in with us…was telling me a deeper story.

The Lord was and is faithful to teach us lessons and He does it gently if we allow Him too.

Who knew a run in the warzone would be what I needed to address my own insecurities about letting my first baby bird fly out of the nest?!?

God in His goodness didn’t let that be the only lesson – letting you go to the gym to workout and make new friends in Jerusalem would be another testing moment for me.  When you came back and asked to go to the local market to get a post workout snack late at night…I was besides myself.  In a different country, going with strangers, late in the evening…this is what all the crime documentaries make movies out of.

In my fear – the Lord met me and said “Sarah – can you trust him to be the man you have been trying to raise?  Can you trust MY Spirit that is within him”…so again, I was challenged with letting you go and be the man you have become.

Never in a million years would I think that friend would be someone we would get to see again as we had the unexpected detour of having to get out of Israel by crossing through 3 different countries.  Meeting your friend by the Taba crossing was surreal and I felt the delight of the God over you.  Cayden you are going to continue to make connections with others that defy logic – because of the Favor of the Lord that is over you.

While walking and watching you talk with your new friend the Lord told me to look down and there was a heart rock waiting for me.  Proof that there is no where you or I will go, without God preparing and making a way for us.

While walking the streets late in Athens (our few hours layover in our adventure in coming home from a warzone) you interrupted me while talking with our friend to point out the young mom with 3 littles, begging on the street. You could have walked by, not turned and motioned for me to see souls in NEED of help. But that is NOT you. I grabbed the cash I had left in my wallet and walked over and finished what you started. Thank you for not letting the marginalized be invisible. Our friend turned to me and said “Sarah – he is a GOOD man”. I couldn’t agree more.

Cayden your steady spirit, your ability to find the humor or upside to the uncertainty of war was just what I needed.  It was a gift for me to have you there – when chaos became our norm.  

Thanks for keeping me grounded and YES calling me to truth when I needed it. You are going to be such a good husband and father.

You let me know time and time again – that you’re ready to enter the adult world.  You already have, you have countless adults that see your potential and want to find ways to have you work in their field or give you advice on how to get to the highest level of success.

In all the voices that are cheering you on and seeing WHO you are.  William Cayden Harney, I pray that the voice you tune your ears to the most is the one of our Heavenly Father.  He has never led you astray.  You have led in places that needed a Christ-centered leader – because of the giftings He has given you and also because you know His voice.  You have been given responsibilities that exceeded your age – because employers know you can be trusted.  You have been tasked with at times taking the heat for those who made bad choices, because you choose to never leave a man behind.

As you are officially no more a child and today a man.  I want to tell you how proud I am of you.  You are more than what my heart thought to dream of 18 years ago.  You are more than what my novice prayers asked for. You are more than WHO I tried to raise, despite my own brokenness that showed up in parenting you.

W. Cayden Harney – stay centered on Jesus.  Keeping paving new paths, but don’t forget to look back and check in on your old mom.  Keep showing up and amazing people with your quiet, steady soul.  Never forget where you came from – because we all can’t wait to watch you tackle this world.

Love you son, swimming in the Red Sea was unreal!! So many memories made with you – welcome to adulthood

14 years old today

I can’t even.

There was a photo that came up of her 2^nd bday party recently.  She was flashing her cheesy smile and rocking a tutu and a beenie.  I was transported to a time that has always been a blur for me.  Kyrene’s 2^ndbirthday was outside, in November…at Ward Lake.  We wanted to celebrate her birthday and give her the love she deserved, but life with Ezzy and Cystic Fibrosis made things like birthday parties hard.  In order to have all the people that we wanted there, during cold and flu season, it meant we had to brave the cold to keep Ezzy safe.  But she was worth it to everyone to be there in the freezing cold.

Even though I am the one that only remembers why her party was outside, I know that those formative years shaped the heart that I am seeing in Kyrene today.

Like any teenage girl, 7^th grade year is hard.  Being a mom of 4 girls, I am being constantly reminded each child is different.  But what one common factor I find when raising girls is that girl drama gets cray cray by 7^thgrade.

I watched Kyrene navigate surprises, betrayal, cyber bullying & lots of tears and hard words shared.  It was challenging to help her process how to clean up the relational messes she made at times.  All in all, I found myself bracing for what each day would bring, because girls…can be so ruthless.  The loneliness, the convincing herself that she was better off alone was heartbreaking.  

I could relate all too well to the daily pain she was living.

In one of my own rants to God about the things she was going through, I heard the Lord remind me to pray for her to have friends.  Not just any friends, but 1-2 quality friends.  Friends that would get her humor, her loud animated stories and her love of any living creature.  I spent months asking God to send someone.

It wasn’t until today, while writing this blog that the Lord reminded me of His leading to ASK.  Scriptures tell us, “you have not, because you ask not”…how many times have I let fear or insecurity stop be from asking God for help.  Stinking thinking.

Gone are the lonely days that plagued her 7^th grade year!  A shift happened this summer.  Maturing isn’t easy, but so necessary.  We all have areas to GROW UP in, right?

The once quiet room, is now filled with FT calls from friends, her evenings and weekends are spent with girls who are pursuing Jesus and wanting to stay away from the girl drama.  Watching Kyre and Boo be on the same outdoor team this year was precious.  They had their own sister handshake after each goal! Got me teary eyed every time.  

BUT the greatest victory came just last month, Kyre shared how she was getting pulled into some drama.  She said how when the person tried to stir the pot, instead of getting defensive or asking questions, she replied “I am not going to talk about that” and changed the topic.

And guess what…the drama that could have grown.  Didn’t.  Because she learned the hard way.  The only way you stop gossiping, is to say OUTLOUD “I will not talk about that”.  Plain and simple.

If I was there, I would have been cheering her on from the sidelines.  Knowing how much courage it takes to be the one, the one person who shuts down the gossip and models a new way.

Kyrene Grace.  The Lord made you a trail blazer.  He put that fire in you to burn hot the way it does because it brings warmth and light to those in need.  He asked you to burn hot for Him, which means that in this broken world, there will be so many other things to burn for.  But REMEMBER, He has asked YOU to learn how to temper your passions at times, so that He can show YOU what self-control and discipline CAN do under pressure.  He has equipped you with the GRACE to own your faults, ask for forgiveness and give it to those who can’t give it to you.  I am thankful you are still the fierce prayer warrior you started to become as a small child.  The gates of hell shake when you use your spiritual gift of intercession!!

Thankful the Lord is letting me grow up in understanding and grace with YOU.  Kyrene the world is a better place because of the light that you shine.  Love you sweet girl.