March | 2025 | psalm139momma

“What is it like, now that your baby boy is 17? Just one more year mama…”

The first question that Kyre asked me when she saw me this morning. I hadn’t quite registered the day, I was still trying to get past the normal Sunday morning wrestle of quieting my introverted soul. Sundays are so peopley…

“Just one more year”.

I remember reading this obnoxious book that a college friend got me for Cayden’s baby shower. When I opened the present there was a collective sigh when other attendees saw the title of the book. However, this was a book that had never crossed my path. Which was surprising given how much time I spent in early childhood development, in my college years.

I was reassured countless times that I would love this book.

I remember reading the book and tossing it to the side. Richard was perplexed with my dislike for a book (I have been known to become a shell of myself for days when I have a book in my hand). This book, this book rubbed me the wrong way. How could anyone love this book, let alone think that I might like it…?

Richard laughed after he read the book and I decided to put it to the side.

It wasn’t until I had a day with my curious, problem solving, independent 2 year old Cayden, that I found myself with the book placed in my lap. His big brown eyes and his chubby little hands were not giving me any other options. I sat down and pulled him into my lap and read the book to him.

The book that I decided was ridiculous…now had a deeper meaning to me, something my soon -to-be mama heart, couldn’t understand 2 years prior. But now my veteran mama heart, with 2 under 2 could get.

Just one more year…

The dreams we’ve listened to, the conversations he would have with us about the intense vocations his little soul thought would be cool to do. The things he wanted to do when he grew up and no longer lived with mama and daddy.

Those are no longer childish conversations; they now require us to stop and treasure the moments he comes to us. When he opens up his ideas and dreams to us, we are fully aware they don’t come like they use to when he was 7.

Now how to invest, the economy, politics, “how to” videos or logistics of where he will live next year are happening.

It’s not a Tonka Trucks that he asked for this year, instead it was a real truck that he drove away in, after placing the check in the seller’s hand.

When asking for forgiveness in a major mess up on my end and to be honest, lack of self regulation, I got to see the man he is, the man I prayed he would be.

I couldn’t believe it, how quickly he extended forgiveness. Verbally and emotionally. I sat in a moment of disbelief. It took me by surprise. I had acted at my worst, I was ready for him to let me know my failures, to give me the silent treatment. (Things from our past that creep in when we parent, right?).

When I asked “why are you not going to hold this against me?”

His response was “we forgive, we are family and that’s what family does”

So simple, yet so healing for me to experience and see it be a truth formed in him.

There are a lot of things to still sit and listen to, we have one more year. But if this next year is like the prior ones, it will be over before we know it. We are doing our best to pause and take these moments in.

Richard and I recently talked about goals and things that we want to leave behind for our kids. Like any parents, we would love to leave behind generational wealth. As we have invested in their cultural wealth, by choosing to raise them in their culture, we will leave behind clan bearers and clan protectors. But more than anything, we want to see a spiritual legacy. What will our children do when they raise the next generation. What values will they take from us?

Raising kids in a small town is a gift, we always get reports of our kids. Good and bad. But man I sure love the good ones, when I get to hear about who Cayden is in the community.

Cayden your quiet demeanor is a gift. I know it’s part of who you are as a native man, but I see it as a gift God has given you. Because when you speak, you hold the room, because you don’t waist words. The natural favorabilty with people is because there has been an anointing over you have a heart like King David, a man after God’s own heart.

You cast a big safety net every where you go, because you bring the light. Walking with you in the dark after a Zach Bryan concert to find our ride, never made me question my safety. As much as the cheer girls drove you crazy, I know how much you earned their respect by how you treated them. Listening to Veil call you while you were gone this last week and how sweet you were to her…I know I am not the only one who sees your tender side.

Even your surprise tattoo was well, you being you. A legacy maker. You are a good man Cayden Harney, even if I told you that I didn’t want anymore ER visits and you still didn’t listen…I swear son…”