William Cayden Harney

I recently heard of a new little soul growing inside a soon to be family of 3.  

“The First”…it’s not overly hyped up.

“The First”…it’s going to break you even when you try your absolute hardest to not break.

“The First”…it’s going to forever reframe how you look at everything else that comes after.

“The First”…it’s going to show you what healing can only come when you face your fears.

Whether you are having your first baby, your first day of highschool in a new city, going on your first date, trying to sleep the night before your first job, after graduating college or it’s your first day of retirement.  

“Firsts” are a super big deal…right?

In 16 years Cayden, you and I have faced SO many “firsts”together.

No one was more shocked than me to see the double pink lines that hot Arizonan July morning.  We were going to a pizza place that our friend Dani worked at.  It was our weekly “family” gathering with our college friends.  There would be adult drinks there…and your mom was use to having a good time being a young 23 yr old…

Those lines propelled me into a never-ending series of me facing my “first” as a mother.

I recently returned from a concert in Seattle and when I was telling you about it, a memory flashed before me, of me sitting at the computer, playing a Matisyahu CD, with big headphones stretched over my belly and feeling you respond to the music.

I was in constant awe of the miracle I was witnessing, growing inside of me.

That hasn’t changed in 16 years.

Recently someone mentioned seeing you and they were as speechless as I was at the man-child, your father and I are trying to continue to raise. In these rapidly face few years left with you at home.

There are times you startle me because I forget there is another man living in my home and not the little 7 year old boy that would dress in camo from head to toe.  You wanted to be just like your favorite Duck Commanders.

The girls laughed at me when I was in the passenger seat of our Burb and you climbed in the drivers seat…I had reached out to grab “who I thought” was your dad and was surprised to find you there in the drivers seat…

Cayden…I am in another season of facing my firsts with you.

Raising a man.

Some thoughts I have gathered in the 16 years of getting to be your momma…

I am amazed at how much of your personality was being lived out in your early years.

You were a child of few words.  Serious by nature and would come alive when we were outside playing. Those are descriptions I would use to describe you now.  Growing up in Alaska has been your greatest playground.

I can see how being an older sibling of a child with cystic fibrosis has impacted how you view the world and how it “should” act to those in need, who are marginalized and those who need compassion.  I will never forget you wanting to buytennis shoes for a fellow classmate in elementary school because the kid was being picked on for their ratty shoes.

I should have realized that when I was training a 9 year old to run his first ½ marathon, that it was going to reveal the grit, determination and endurance that was formed in you by our Creator.  I am still trying to learn how to differentiate when I am being asked to be a “wrestler’s” momma.  Your perseverance in competitions is so fun to watch.

I would often be surprised at the “grown-up” conversations we would have when you were a child.  Having your Sunday school teacher tell me that you were struggling understanding the Trinity of God at the age of 7, still makes me laugh today.  I love getting to sit and talk to you about adult things and hear how much you understand of the world and those around you.

These next 2 years are not for the faint of heart.  I have had a few mommas prepare me for the next of “firsts” I will be going through as you enter into adulthood even more.

Just 2 more years of high-school, the reality that you have a big wide world out there of “firsts” waiting for you is staring me in the face

My prayer is that you will remember how you were Created by God, who loves you and knows you more than me.  He has given you what you need to face this world, and what you don’t have, He will always give you when you lean on Him.

William Cayden Harney,

God has given you a love of the outdoors, because it’s there that He wants to connect with you. People are safe, protected and advocated for, when they are in your circle.  I can’t wait to see how God is going to continue to put you in places of leadership and responsibility.  Caring for those in need, is being the direct hands and feet of Jesus – don’t ever forget that.  

I can’t wait to see the things you are going to go for and I get to be your biggest fan as you stretch the limits, chose your hard, lean into the things that make you face yourself.

Thankful for my First time being a momma happened 16 years ago today

Happy Birthday Cayden  

Love you buddy